What should I know before having a boyfriend?

QUEK CHOON GUAN, PETER
5 min readAug 13, 2023

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Photo by Radu Florin on Unsplash

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You are thinking about having a boyfriend, you might have some questions and expectations about what it means to be in a romantic relationship. There is no definitive answer to this question, as different people have different preferences and experiences, but here are some general tips that might help you prepare for having a boyfriend.

  1. **Know yourself**: Before you start dating someone, it is important to have a clear sense of who you are, what you want, and what your boundaries are. This will help you communicate your needs and desires to your partner and avoid getting into situations that make you uncomfortable or unhappy. You should also respect yourself and your values, and not compromise them for the sake of pleasing someone else.
  2. **Know what you want**: Having a boyfriend is not a goal in itself, but a way of sharing your life with someone who makes you happy. You should have some idea of what kind of relationship you are looking for, whether it is casual or serious, monogamous or open, long-term or short-term, etc. You should also be honest with yourself and your partner about your expectations and intentions, and not lead anyone on or settle for less than what you deserve.
  3. **Know how to communicate**: Communication is key to any healthy relationship, especially when it comes to expressing your feelings, needs, and concerns. You should be able to talk to your boyfriend openly and respectfully, without fear of judgment or criticism. You should also listen to him attentively and empathetically, without interrupting or dismissing his point of view. If you have any disagreements or conflicts, you should try to resolve them calmly and constructively, without resorting to insults or violence.
  4. **Respect**: Mutual respect is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Respect each other’s opinions, boundaries, and individuality.
  5. **Healthy boundaries**: Setting healthy boundaries is essential to ensure that both you and your partner feel comfortable and safe in the relationship. Boundaries can relate to physical, emotional, and personal space.
  6. **Know how to have fun**: Having a boyfriend is not only about romance and intimacy, but also about enjoying each other’s company and having fun together. You should try to find common interests and hobbies that you can share with your boyfriend, such as movies, music, sports, games, etc. You should also be supportive of his passions and goals, and encourage him to pursue them. You should also respect his individuality and independence, and allow him to have his own friends and activities outside of the relationship.
  7. **Trust*: Trust is crucial. It takes time to build, but it’s essential for a strong foundation in a relationship. Be reliable and honest and expect the same from your partner.
  8. **Unhealthy morbid jealousy**: It can be difficult not to jump to conclusions the following time after being in a toxic relationship where cheating was involved. Of course, jealousy isn’t just reserved for romantic relationships; it may also be directed at a friend who always appears immaculate, a coworker who got promoted ahead of you at work, or a sibling who receives all the attention. In more extreme situations, jealousy can result in a partner being possessive, which is undesirable behavior! Keep doing you and hold your head high; there’s no need to compare yourself to others.
  9. **Independence**: While being in a relationship is wonderful, it’s essential to maintain your independence and continue pursuing your interests and goals.
  10. **Know how to be safe** Having a boyfriend can also involve physical intimacy, which can be a wonderful and fulfilling experience if done with consent and care. You should always make sure that you and your boyfriend are on the same page when it comes to sexual activity, and that you both agree on what you are comfortable with doing or not doing. You should also protect yourself from unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) by using appropriate methods of contraception and prevention. You should also never feel pressured or coerced into doing anything that you don’t want to do, or that makes you feel unsafe or violated.
  11. **Compatibility**: Consider your compatibility with your partner in terms of interests, values, and long-term goals. It’s important to share common ground.
  12. **Resilience**: Relationships may face challenges. Being prepared to handle disagreements, conflicts, and changes is important. Focus on effective problem-solving and emotional resilience.
  13. **Emotional well-being:** Ensure that you are in a good place emotionally before entering a relationship. A healthy relationship should enhance your well-being, not be a sole source of it.
  14. **Consent and boundaries**: Consent is fundamental in any relationship. Respect your partner’s boundaries, and ensure they respect.
  15. **Have time to be alone**: Couples tend to start doing things together all too frequently, especially in the early stages of a relationship. While spending time with you is fun, it’s crucial to keep your independence while you’re in a relationship if you want to be happy in the long run. Regardless of whether you’re happily alone or in a relationship, it’s important to appreciate your alone time. It’s crucial to feel completely at ease by yourself, so indulge in everything you enjoy, whether it’s reading at a park, working at a café, or watching that movie you’ve always wanted to see. Even though I would prefer to spend every waking moment with my husband, I still value my time alone. It provides me time to unwind, do my work, and engage in self-care.
  16. **Personal growth**: A good relationship should support personal growth for both partners. Encourage each other’s aspirations and help each other become better individuals.
  17. **Patience**: Building a strong and lasting relationship takes time. Be patient, and don’t rush into things.

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Conclusion

Remember, every relationship is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all guide. Be ready to adapt, learn, and grow together with your partner. Effective communication, mutual respect, and understanding are key to a successful and fulfilling relationship.

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QUEK CHOON GUAN, PETER
QUEK CHOON GUAN, PETER

Written by QUEK CHOON GUAN, PETER

i am a freelance affiliate marketer, graduated from the Simon Fraser University, British Columbia, Canada. I am a Singaporean. Writing is my hobbies.

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